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 Post subject: 22 years ago today....
PostPosted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 1:14 pm 
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I didn't realize it, but something very strange happend to me last night... around 10 pm I just started crying for no reason... I felt like someone had just punched me , I thought I was having a panic attack...

then I realized I had this same feeling 22 years ago, almost to the minute. It was the night my dad shot himself.


We were at an amusment park, me, my mom, my soon to be step dad and sister... it was 10ish, and I got this urgent feeling that I had to get out of there. My step dad just had to do one of those "put your face on the picture" crap things, and I Just wanted to leave...


Come to find out, it was the exact time my dad shot himself... he didn't die right away, not until about 3am today...the 17th... which is also wierd, because I woke up from a horrific nightmare, so scary vivid at 3 am this morning, and couldn't go back to sleep.


I thought I was long over this, at peace with it, I understood it now...I used to be very hurt, but now realizing that he likely had lyme disease and just wasn't right in his head...well, I understand....


Just felt the need to share that.. thanks for reading...love u all

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"something good WILL happen to me today"

(Isaiah 53:5 NKJV) But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.


Any advice given by me, is just that, advice. I am not a medical doctor, and I suggest you talk to your doctor about any concerns.


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 Post subject: Re: 22 years ago today....
PostPosted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 8:15 pm 
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I am so sorry J. This is so sad that this happened. One day we will understand everything, stay strong....
I wish I could give you a hug. :ghug:
Love you,
Dana

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 Post subject: Re: 22 years ago today....
PostPosted: Wed Aug 19, 2009 5:39 am 
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It doesn't help that I haven't slept in days, herxing, vomitting, and my oh so understanding hub had to get him some on sunday... I was like "are you serious!?" Here I have been throwing up all weekend, spent the ENTIRE day at your mothers, vomitting there too, cleaned house and I'm in an emotional upheaveal, and that's what you care about?

funny I was just singing his praises to a friend the other day...never should have opened my stupid mouth. I was telling her how he has been pretty great lately, he even stood up to his mother for us a couple weeks ago, and boy as soon as I told her how things seemed to be going so well... BOOOOM , we can't even look at eachother for some reason... he had a total fit with the blender, I just wanted to scream PUT MORE MILK IN IT, he tries to make milk shakes with a tiny bit of milk.... we get the kdis in bed, he goes right into his office, I ask if he's working "NO" so I tried to call you (this was last night), then 20 mins later he goes out back...I wait for like 10 mins, then go look and I already knew he was out there pouting... over what I have NO idea, I'm sure it will come up in a week or two, we'll have some big blow out fight over something or another, and I will be told of all my shortcomings once again.

_________________
"something good WILL happen to me today"

(Isaiah 53:5 NKJV) But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.


Any advice given by me, is just that, advice. I am not a medical doctor, and I suggest you talk to your doctor about any concerns.


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