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 Post subject: no support
PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 6:58 am 
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so I'm herxing for over a week...we go to my inlaws and I'm dog tired, everyone keeps asking him what's wrong with me, and instead of re itterating to them I'm very sick, he blames it on the drugs...I took ONE soma and 2 xanax, it was the only way I could function, so we get in the car and he reams me on the drugs....I just want to screm at him, if he was more supportive I could do protocols and actually get well....this is getting so old. I'm hallf tempted to just leave, but I don't want to screw my kids life up even more. it's so frustrating I don't know what to do. It's impossible to talk to him, he blames everything on the drugs, even my constnant vomitting....this is getting so old, I'm getting so depressed...it's like I"m not allowed to be sick, I'm so tired of pushing myself, I get NO help, we go about life "normal" , heck he even has to have sex at least 2 times a week, so I do my wifely duty, fake it to get him there and half the time I lock myself in the bathroom and cry.... it's getting so old, but my kids are my world and I don't want to not have access to them....just very depressed today.

thanks for listening.
love
j

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"something good WILL happen to me today"

(Isaiah 53:5 NKJV) But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.


Any advice given by me, is just that, advice. I am not a medical doctor, and I suggest you talk to your doctor about any concerns.


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 Post subject: Re: no support
PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 8:01 am 
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I've been having a super tough time lately.....so my oldest son has a bbq at his house and I'm having this terrible pain. My mom asks me how I'm doing......my husband shrugs his shoulders and asks me 'how do you feel?'. Now the man knows I'm in real pain, but acts as if it's nothing. My oldest son asked why I was leaving early and I said I have a really big headache. He and some of the other people start joking that, they real like my husband (which is my second husband and not my kids father), but why didn't I marry a doctor. Then they start laughing. For years my oldest and my father would say to me 'if you refuse to believe you're sick then you will be just fine'. It doesn't matter how much each of your friends and family members know about this illness........they won't get it. I'm thinking your husband probably figures you're like this all the time, so you must be getting used to it. I don't know. I just know that if you have cancer you've got their concern.....lyme, well, how many doctors in my past, since I have had this for 53 years, have said.......ah dang, I can't remember the word, but it's if you always think your sick and are not.
Just know that Jesus knows everything you're going through. I know how you feel about the kids. Just ask the Lord to help you with the anger, it colors everything, and even though you feel terrible, the anger will keep you from socializing. Just envision that you are laying in the Lords lap, let him put his arms around you....and for that small instant you may feel some peace.


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 Post subject: Re: no support
PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 11:13 am 
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Joined: Sun Feb 17, 2008 9:42 pm
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Life is hard enough without Lyme. When we are dealing with "life" and Lyme - we have to be the strongest people on earth.

I heard a minister say "we are spirits struggling with the human experience".

If you noticed at forums, people are crying out for understanding and symptoms and family problems and then there those of us in a family that all have LD and are trying to cope.

It is literally a collision of life and sickness and it can be a mess. If only...we had our health..but even then life wouldn't be perfect.

Jaime - I wish you could treat this and get on with your life. Does John understand that you can get well, but you need really good treatment?

I know you keep going through all of this, so in his eyes you don't seem very sick, but you are doing what any mom would, go, go, go...well or not.

You are always in my thoughts and prayers,
D

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 Post subject: Re: no support
PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 8:27 pm 
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Girl, sorry i could not talk to u 2day when u called. At the park and had 2 watch the kids on the huge play area.

When I walked into church 2 day, 30 min's late, I sat by my friend Lori she asked how I was feeling and I said crappy. I started 2 cry and said I did not want to live anymore. The stress of this all and with my son is just getting 2 b 2 much. She told me please don't do that. Her ex-Husband, the father of her youngest child 9, shot him self in the head in her front lawn. She lived with her parents at the time and her kids were in the back room and heard everything. Her youngest son is a mess and still trying to cope.

I could never leave my kids and have never planned a suicide, it has just been spur of the moment thoughts upon my SEVERE RAGE, which usually starts out with my son FREAKIN OUT ON ME.

I love you and WILL C U SOON.
BTY I HAVE HAD NO LUCK ON MY SCRATCH OFF LOTTO TICKETS. LOL
Love Krissy :hug: :love:

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Krissy


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 Post subject: Re: no support
PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 12:13 pm 
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please never ever give up and this comes from someone who two days ago sliced up her wrist with a needle.
not because i want to die, but because i want to end the agony.
it is like being between a rock and a hard place, I do not want to die but i cannot stand living like this and being in this pain one more minute.
the pain so horrible and i am so weak that i cannot make it to the doctor.....i brushed my hair for the first time in over a month.

support is a wonderful healing thing-just to hear-honey i am here for you. i know how sick you are and i will get you the help you need. i don't want you to worry about anything right now. best medicine.

my parents responds to my illness was anger-not only did they not believe i was ill but they were angry at me.
now i understand more-they were scared.
maybe your husband is scared that the mother of his children is sick and might not be able to take care of them. just a different way to look at things.


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 Post subject: Re: no support
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 5:25 am 
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don't worry, I won't end my life....I keep on keepin on for my kids, my dad killed himself when I was 9, it wasn't until I was 21 that I reasoned with it, but there's still times that a song comes on "take my breath away" by Berlin that tears me up...it's the last memory of him I have, he'd take me to some bar, tell me to play that son (top gun was famous then), so when I hear it I know he's with me.... It's just hard with no support. I'm going to start keeping a journal because I do more than more healthy people, although he doesn't see that....we had a talk last night, and today is my bday so he's being nice...men :)

_________________
"something good WILL happen to me today"

(Isaiah 53:5 NKJV) But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.


Any advice given by me, is just that, advice. I am not a medical doctor, and I suggest you talk to your doctor about any concerns.


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 Post subject: Re: no support
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 12:45 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 27, 2009 10:06 am
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAIME :hug:

i am so very sorry about your dad and i am sorry that you are not getting the support you need.

and i know it is difficult with two kids, but you have to take care of yourself.
you need to make your health a priority....for your sake and for the sake of your children and husband. in the long run it is the best you can do for them.

i do not know your whole story and what kind of therapy you are doing, but help yourself like you would help one of your children if they were sick.
jana


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