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 Post subject: I ask you to pray
PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 12:12 pm 
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Dana already know this, and she really helped me to see it in a different way, her answer to me was very enlightening (thank you Dana).... but I feel VERY alone in my journey. Aside from all of you here and Dana and I have become very close, I have no real support. (I mean close to me support, I have all of you online support and that is wonderful and I thank GOD for that), but my husband doesn't seem to realize how serious this really is. I don't act sick most of the time, there are days where I just can't "fake" it and do what I normally do, but for the most part, I push thru, I do more than most healthy people, I don't have any help to speak of as far as kids, house, etc goes. And hubby seems to be dropping more and more of his help. Whenever I bring up lyme I can see the look in his face like "here we go again" , or if I bring up someone's illness (even non lyme related) he'll say "let me guess, they have lyme disease" his nature is that everything is a joke. I think that's how he deals with things. I hear these stories of how husbands work 2 and 3 jobs, do the cooking and cleaning, take care of the kids, and don't complain about it, because thier wives are so sick. I know it's few and far between, and I'm not asking that. I've been watching Joyce Meyer, and he told me "if you become a holy roller I'm leaving" (he grew up Catholic, and went to Catholic schools and just hates that religion, he doesn't understand that it doesnt' have to be like that). So I ask you to pray for him. For him to be more understanding of me, to realize how good he actually has it, to realize that being online and connecting with other people with my problems helps me , that watching Joyce is instrumental in my mental well being. Pray that if I say something to him he doesn't turn it around and make it all about himself (whenever I try to talk to him he'll say "well, I guess I just can't do anything right"). Pray that he knows I love him and I need his support and help. and Pray that he still loves me. I know it's got to be hard on him , having a sick wife our whole married life, maybe he thinks that I get all the attention (when in reality I don't, nobody in either of our families ever asks how I am, or even realizes how sick I am, so pray for them too), the only help I get is from my mom, and she's very busy, and can only help so much. I have always bent over backwards for everyone I know, and I still do even on my worst days, if someone NEEDS something, I will do it. I've raised money for people with cancer, I've delievered meals on wheels, I've organized benefit dinners, I'm a giving person, and I know God knows that, all I ask is for a little understanding from people. I'm not asking that people do everything for me, I don't want that at all. I just want them to realize how serious this is and to awknowlege it.

I remember my first herx, it was in the summer, had a family reunion to go to, I felt like death of course, and my aunt looks at me, in front of everyone and says "you look like you're overdosing" .... I almost died. I tried to explain the herx thing and the lyme thing, and she just kept saying it! It really made me feel aweful. I sent out a mass email to my family with info from this site and she still was fighting me on the issue. Cancer is huge in my family, and because it's not cancer they don't get it.

So I've been having a hard time mentally lately, I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I just feel like if the people in my life would realize how sick I really am even though "i look great", and awknowlege it, I would feel better. Does this make any sense? I know I shoulnd't care, but it's hard when you feel alone in your support system from the people in your life who should be the most supportive.

thank you.
love,
j :prayer:

_________________
"something good WILL happen to me today"

(Isaiah 53:5 NKJV) But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.


Any advice given by me, is just that, advice. I am not a medical doctor, and I suggest you talk to your doctor about any concerns.


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 Post subject: Re: I ask you to pray
PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 12:58 pm 
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You are an amazing person Jaime. You have such a deep understanding already of the good of God and you show so much interest, and you really listen so well! It amazes me! You are easy to teach!

Your husband needs to learn this ...it is not about "religion" it is however about "relationship". Your husband was brought up in a stringent-type religion, bible based Christianity, is much different that is fine, but many turn off to God because of their own church doctrine! It is so simple, but he doesn't understand it.

You know my response...but like I said never let anyone Jaime, anyone set you apart from God. Like I said practice peace INSIDE, he will respond differently to you and see that YOU knowing God is not a bad thing, it is the ONLY thing that will truly bring you through this.

I can SO relate to looking normal, acting normal - but inside this body the pain is incredible. No one understands, they couldn't possibly unless they lived it.

I am praying for your husband to have a more tender heart, more compassionate, more gratitude for you that God helps him understand you are a "super-woman" doing everything SICK. I am praying that your husband CAN'T separate from what you need most, the promises and peace of God.

I also am praying for you...that you keep your spirit "fed" with the word of God, watch Joyce if you like her, she is a wonderful, practical teacher...do it alone, with no one around, go sit in the bathroom, your bedroom anywhere with your computer, insist on 20 minutes alone and watch her! I pray that you don't allow anything to bother you, not other people's words,(family or otherwise) or ignorance toward this disease. I am praying for you to have peace and joy....and to remember that it is not found in people, people will ultimately disappoint, but God never does. Focus on HIM....He is your Rock, your Father and He loves you like you could never imagine.

I am always here for you, you know that... friend, preacher, teacher whatever you need, I am here.

Love and adore you.
:console: :prayer:
Dana

P.s. (edit) Jaime it took years for Paul to come around - many years of me praying but I just kept on doing what I knew I had to do...eventually he came around big time and ended up taking me to 3 JM conferences! He loves her, but most of all he loves God....that is a miracle and if it can happen to him, it can happen to your husband too!!

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 Post subject: Re: I ask you to pray
PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 5:53 pm 
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I could add to this forever... I keep thinking of stuff.

I thought of YET another scripture since we talked. Nothing can seperate you from God, so I refuse to worry about this!! God said he will 'NEVER leave us or forsake us" I like The Message (bible version of Romans 8:39 where Paul said...): "None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."

As I told you, the opposition is sort of funny when I really think about it....you must have great potential for God Jaime.

Joyce says, "If the devil isn't bothering you, then you aren't doing much to bother him!" ha!ha!

Here are is the scripture I was telling you about, in different translations

1 Corinthians 16:9 New Living Translation: "There is a wide-open door for a great work here, although many oppose me".

Amplified version: "For a wide door of opportunity for effectual [service] has opened to me [there, a great and promising one], and [there are] many adversaries".

The message bible: "A huge door of opportunity for good work has opened up here. (There is also mushrooming opposition.)"

I think you are shaking the very ground the enemy walks on....he sees some potential in you that could be huge and knows that YOU as a Christian may be very dangerous to him!

Knowing that, you must go forward....through the opposition, God must have great plans for you, or there would be no opposition.

Don't forget the enemy uses people to stop you when you are attempting to anything good, but especially when he sees you going full on the "good side". Old trick of his, but God will make sure you get to where HE wants you as long as you focus on Him.

Hope it makes sense, Think about it.
Love,
Dana

_________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Join us on Facebook and connect with other Lyme patients: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=gro ... 2524317756
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Truth About Lyme Disease Video : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGQINypsf7g

Always check w/your MD regarding advice given by me or any member at this forum & any articles & info. at this site. Site disclaimer: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=16


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 Post subject: Re: I ask you to pray
PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 6:13 am 
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Dana, that is wonderful. I like that. I forgot how the devil works thru people and they don't even know it, that it isn't really that person we know and love acting that way. I'm sure the more he sees the change in me, the more his heart will soften. Thank you for all the uplifting words.

_________________
"something good WILL happen to me today"

(Isaiah 53:5 NKJV) But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.


Any advice given by me, is just that, advice. I am not a medical doctor, and I suggest you talk to your doctor about any concerns.


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 Post subject: Re: I ask you to pray
PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 4:59 pm 
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Dear Jaime,

I've read your note a couple of times. I am sad that you are in this place; but, I keep thinking about how the Lord began a good work in you and how He promises that He will be faithful to complete it. (Philippians 1:4-6)

Sometimes, when I am in the depth of suffering or hurting, it's hard to see that He can be real in my situation. Or I wonder why there isn't an answer for what appears to be an obvious need. For me, often, it comes when I look back as I learn something new about how to trust the Lord in the most untrusting looking of places. (Psalm 27:11; but definitely all of Psalm 27)

Your husband is afraid of something. Whether it is that he will have to serve or he wants something but cannot have it; meaning the Jaime who has been there for him and for others is not able to keep 'being' for everyone and is now in need of understanding and compassion; or that he may have to put out more than he thinks he is able or whether he is afraid for you and doesn't know how to come alongside - or whatever may be at the heart of his seeming resistance, one thing you can rest in is that it is fear based. There is an insecurity that comes out for him, looking like he does not care. (James 4:1-6)

I was wondering what it is that makes you and he a couple. What are the things that attracted you to him and do still to this day. And what it is that he has shared with you that made you special to him?

It is hard when we find ourselves in need to be in a place where one we trusted does not see. It feels like a withholding and it is very hurtful; especially when we were so willing to serve in so many ways. Sometimes our expectation level is high and sometimes its just plain unrecognized sin on the part of another that causes the hurt. Often it is b/c of unequality in our 'yoking'. This is what Bear and I experienced and it is what began our 'dance' (both good and bad). We have not only survived, but our battle scars are being used by God in both of our most humbled hearts and for the benefit of others as we 'grow up' in them. It can happen for you; we have to hope.

Your hubby doesn't know how to look into his heart or to search for these things b/c he has not yet met the Spirit Savior who has captured your heart. And that hurts. It causes the scale to become unbalanced and the burden of serving becomes yours. But you have been given a gift; so cast your bread upon the water. (Ecclesiastes 11)

I am learning that through these times (Oh, did I mention how often I've blown them???) that the Lord simply wants us to learn a deeper trust and belief that first won our hearts to Him. (Proverbs 3; esp. v. 5-6) He is who He says He is and He is believable. (This, from my personal experience, takes time. Okay, for me, lots and lots of time!) Unlike us, He can be trusted at His word and although it may take time, more than we think - or things may turn out differently than we had hoped, He says that no man can make a fool of Him and that He, in His "all-knowing wisdom can capture every thought and bring it back to Himself for our good and for His glory.

So, how do we live that out in a broken world and when we ourselves are broken? Well, He assures us that that is right where He needs us to be in order to work through us. (Romans 11:19)

For whatever reason, Jaime, God called you to Himself first. We can hold you up in prayer, pleading, trusting prayer -that the Lord will soften the places in your hubby's heart that would open his eyes to see first of all, his own identity and purpose on this earth; and how much he can be of encouragement, inspiration and part of the healing for you. But, he is not ready. He hasn't dealt with his own stuff yet and obviously cannot take on yours. That hurts.

And we can pray that he sees the beauty of Christ in you through the most difficult of tests of faith in your life through your own inexperienced but desiring journey.

But, that is what this is. Nothing more A test of your trust and obedience. Not obedience to perfection. The Lord already covered our multitude of sins for that purpose. Something radically different actually. An obedience that desires to understand and know the wisdom and will of God for you in any given hour and in every given situation.

You are His vessel now. He is molding and shaping your character and you are at a new beginning yourself. (Isaiah 64:8) You want to share this amazing truth with the one you love the dearest here on earth and he isn't listening yet. So we pray and ask.

In the meantime, the Lord wants you to focus on your personal relationship with Him. Surround yourself with inspirational, biblical music, prayer, reading and those who will lift you up in faith. This is His building time for a firm foundation in your life with Jesus. (Ephesians 2:19-20) (Altho' all of Ephesians 2 is So encouraging!) Others will fail us. (I don't like it either.) And we will fail others. (That's the humility part!) But, we can be image-bearers and learn so much about the Spirit who dwells within us through these times. (Genesis 1:21) This creates a solid rock under our feet so that when these storms do come, our 'house' is built on the rock and will stand, not on the sand that will crumble below us undermining truth. (Matthew 7:24-27)

You are here for a purpose and the Lord promises that He has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11).

Are you able to get hold of a copy of Rick Warren's "Purpose Driven Life". If you are, it is a great book to 'begin' your journey with. If you are not able to, float me an email and I will see that you get one. After being bathed in the promises and purposes of Christ in your life and in each season, if you are still feeling like that sponge with a passion for more - boy, do I have some nuggets in my treasure chest that have helped feed my soul and re-center my heart back to the plumb line.; I love my spiritual feedings(books) and my Bible to the point of ....umm.....maybe idolatry? NO! I just know a good thing now when I experience it and I like to keep it nearby for reference b/c I am SO in need of grace and that learning how to be forgiving. I also need to be reminded how often the Lord has forgiven me, unspoken. It always tips that scales back up to where they should be and I walk away quieter and less 'offended'. If you are in need of worship music ideas that will nurture and nourish your spirit, as well...just knock!

When your husband makes comments, ask the Lord to help you ask really caring questions to open a discussion where YOu become the listener and grace-giver for him.

The more you become like Jesus, the more your husband will be convicted. It is in the Lord's hands to turn your hubby's heart towards Himself through your loving obedience to Jesus. I pray with you and Dana and others who will come alongside for the day this could be.

Remember that the enemy is pressing in. He knows you belong to the Lord and that makes you a target for the stealing. But, he cannot have you. He can only tempt you. Be aware that this is what is going on. When Jesus faced these same temptations while in the dessert, he said that man does not live by bread alone; but by the very word of God. So, when you feel the weight of the enemy pressing in, run to Jesus. Keep verses nearby that remind you that He is your Rock, your Sword, your Shield. He's the wheel in the middle of the wheel. He's the Lily of the Valley, your Bright and Shining Star. It makes no differencet what anyone says, you've been given all the rights and privileges as a daughter of the King.

When I first heard the verse "give thanks in all things", it was easy. I was a new believer and there were so many things to be aware of and to say 'thank you' for. It is when times are really tough that I felt the real test and challenge. I asked the Lord to help me be aware of His presence and to see even the littlest of things that are taken for granted by the most beloved of His. It was when I began to thank Him during THOSE times, that I grew!

Do not think for a moment that the Lord is not here with you nor that He does not see and care. He does and He will work within it. Just ask Him to show you how to be His vessel of grace in your hour of need. You are loved with an everlasting love!

Jaime, there is not one of us, if we are honest, that do not find ourselves in need of this kind of encouragement and hope. It is from the Lord, to you, with love!

Dana, your words of faith and love to Jaime are more precious than gold.

Philippians 3:12 to you, dear friend and sister in Christ!

In His love, Diana

_________________
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine... When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; the waves will not overcome you...For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior www.stylebyheatherrose.com


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 Post subject: Re: I ask you to pray
PostPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 6:07 am 
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Wow Diana, thank you. I will need to read and re read that to get ALL that you have said. YOu put so much thought into that. I appreciate you taking the time for such a thoughtful answer. Between you and Dana, I feel GOD in me more than ever! I can't explain this feeling I have right now, but I feel very peaceful even though my life is really in turmoil! amazing. When I was reading your response it clicked that I don't NEED my husband's doting on me and "the picture in my head of what I want, you know, mr. supportive, mr. not make comments, etc, I have Jesus, and God .... when you said I am a daughter of the King, it was like, wow, you know what, I am.

Both of you Dana and Diana, you both have helped me in ways you'll never even know. I thank you so much for that. I'm not as alone as I thought. I know John will see the change in me, he will see a more peaceful me, and he will walk in while I'm listening to Joyce, and catch a thing here or there, it will take time, but I think he will get there.

Diana, you wanted to know what attracted us together. I was young, 20, he was 27, I had just gotten out of a physically abusive relationship, before that the guy I was dating turned out to be a drug addict (unbeknwonced to me at first) , and honestly, our first date, I couldn't stand him! haha. We double dated to the movies and he said something offish I didn't like. But then we went to this amusement park a couple days later, and have been together every day since. He was on the straight and narrow (no drugs), didn't hit me, he could make me laugh, funny , that's what I loved the most (but what annoys me most now, that everything is a joke to him, it gets old, yes, I want to laugh, but not everything has to be made into a joke, it's his coping mechenism I guess), he seemed like such a "good" guy, you know, always tried to do the right thing, a boy scout all the way. I fear that's what he's doing now, doing what he feels is the right thing by staying with me because "i'm sick" I don't know if he even loves me anymore. Just being the boyscout. I don't know if every marriage goes thru this where you just seem to co exist, and then you come thru it, life gets so overwhelming, things compile, it's not as simple as when we were younger. Kids are involved. etc, etc. But it is in God's hands now. I will do what I am drawn to do, and hope he comes along eventually.

thank you both again so much for your thoughtful responses. I love you both

_________________
"something good WILL happen to me today"

(Isaiah 53:5 NKJV) But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.


Any advice given by me, is just that, advice. I am not a medical doctor, and I suggest you talk to your doctor about any concerns.


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 Post subject: Re: I ask you to pray
PostPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 8:27 am 
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I am so sorry you feel so alone and that your husband is not supportive.

I will say extra prayers for you.

Many Blessings,

Molly

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 Post subject: Re: I ask you to pray
PostPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 12:37 pm 
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Thank you Molly. I'm starting to realize though, I'm not as alone as I feel. I have God, and that is HUGE, and I have all of you, I'm lucky to have such a support system, even if it's not right here with me.

_________________
"something good WILL happen to me today"

(Isaiah 53:5 NKJV) But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.


Any advice given by me, is just that, advice. I am not a medical doctor, and I suggest you talk to your doctor about any concerns.


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 Post subject: Re: I ask you to pray
PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 11:18 pm 
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Sorry it took my awhile to reply to this!

Anyway, I'm going to be very honest here..

I read your post a couple times and thought about it the past week or so and regarding you and your husband there is really only one answer to be honest. You can live your life the way someone else wants you to live it, or you can live it the way you want to live it, and the way you should live it. No one should have any say in your beliefs, what you choose to put your faith in and what you believe is right in your heart. I think a husband should be accepting of whatever his wife wants to do (as long as it's in a positive direction). In this case, trying to better yourself and your life is definitely a positive direction and if anything he should be happy.

About the part where he rolls his eyes implying "oh not again" when you bring up Lyme...

I can kind of understand where that thought comes from. When my mom floods me with lyme news and knowledge everyday it can kind of grind on my nerves I'll admit. Living with 2 sick parents and having lyme myself, it just gets old hearing about sickness and disease constantly while trying to focus on school and getting a job. But at the same time, if I was married, I'd do my best to help my wife out and if becoming a Christian was going to help her be happy and give her something to focus on, I'd be all for it. I don't think "being sick of lyme" gives him any excuse for acting like that. Like it's already been stated, all you can do is pray for him and hope it clicks in his mind to be more accepting of things he doesn't know.

People are naturally afraid of things they don't understand, this is another case of that. Christianity is the most misunderstood and skewed religion in the world. A lot of people tend to set a terrible example of Christianity and give false facts regarding the bible and naturally, people are turned off. The truly intelligent and understanding people will seek out the truth no matter what the circumstance. The same can be said for Lyme disease. It may or may not ever click in his mind to take the time to investigate the facts, but in the mean time you do have choice on what to do and you know what you need to do. There is no reason to sit around waiting for his acceptance in my opinion.

I understand where you're coming from when you feel frustrated or disappointed about not having any support from people close to you. Again, there isn't much you can do here. It's impossible to try and convince someone of something they haven't experienced or know very little about. You can't change people, so change your surroundings. It's reasons like this why this board exists and why other support groups exist. Sometimes you just have to be involved with the people outside of your family & friends and make new friends that understand your pain or passion for something.

In closing I will pray for you, but I also hope you will focus on the things you can control and do your best to not worry about the things you cannot control. Seek and follow whatever brings you peace.


:hands:

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"...I am the LORD who heals you." - Exodus 15:26


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 Post subject: Re: I ask you to pray
PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 6:34 am 
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Danny, you are wise beyond your years! I've known that for a while, you know I talk to your mom a lot, and yes, sometimes you come up in conversation, and you really amaze me, and I very much respect your opinion. Don't apologize for taking a while to reply, I know you aren't feeling so hot yourself right now. Thank you for taking the time. You are right, I must do things that I CAN control, and not worry about what I can't. It does no good to worry about what I can't do. I know the more "good change" he see's in me, the better things will get. And even if my lyme doesn't improve, my attitude will, so no harm in that. That's the worst that could happen, not too bad. Thank you again for your thoughtful reply. All of you. Not having the support at home, it sure has helped more than you could know, to have support here.

_________________
"something good WILL happen to me today"

(Isaiah 53:5 NKJV) But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.


Any advice given by me, is just that, advice. I am not a medical doctor, and I suggest you talk to your doctor about any concerns.


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 Post subject: Re: I ask you to pray
PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:16 pm 
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Jaime, you said it.

We may not be able to change Lyme, but we can change our attitude and I am watching you grow so much in that area now that you are REMINDING me!! I love it!

God gives you the Grace (power) to make it through each day and whether John knows it or not, He also gives him the grace to make it through .....in time, years maybe...just live the peaceful, life. The bible says we are "salt" & "light" as Christians and we will make people thirst for what we have! If we can prove live in peace and faith while living in Lyme "hell"....what a great witness for God and people! When people say "You seem like you are doing better, my response would be, "I can't change my circumstances, so I am changing my attitude toward it".

I been through this very similar circumstance...it was amazing watching Paul's slow transformation, but when he understood God is much simpler than we make Him out to be, that He isn't this big mean God ready to pound us for all we do wrong, instead an understanding God, who loves us no matter what...that was when Paul started understanding and now he talks about God a lot and I laugh looking back at that stubborn attitude God worked out of him. Now Paul will also quote Joyce when I feel I can't go on another minute...really Jaime, its amazing.

Like I've said (got this from Joyce) we don't need to beat people over the head with our bibles, we just need to simply live "the life" and they will eventually want what we have.....that peace that surpasses understanding.

You grow girl! :angel2:

_________________
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Join us on Facebook and connect with other Lyme patients: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=gro ... 2524317756
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